Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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