you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
