You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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