I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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