And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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