Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
