A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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