I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
