I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
