Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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