I will die if light touches me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
