Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
