Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
