He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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