I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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