What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
