Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
