guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize