I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
