just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm at about main and main street
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize