I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
