Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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