I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize