Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
