you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
