hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
