I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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