What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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