i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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