My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
