i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
