yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
