I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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