mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
