Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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