Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize