i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
