Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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