my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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