If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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