moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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