tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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