so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
