ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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