Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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