How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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