Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
