just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize