you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
