the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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