We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
