Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
