He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
