You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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