I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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