they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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