this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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