I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
