My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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