Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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