I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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