You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
