Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
