8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every concussion has its silver lining
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize