He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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