dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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