The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
