How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
