Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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